Stupid Things I Say

"No, please do not lick the wall like that.  See how you're leaving tongue prints.  Mama doesn't like that."

"I'm going to go call the vet.  I'm pretty sure the horse is dead, but I see that you don't all agree."  (Gotta hate love office meetings.)

"I was just thinking... during sex you need wrist guards and I must look like Tyrannosaurus Rex trying to keep my breasts in place."  (File this under things that are least appropriate... if there is a good time at all... to say during sex.)