Dree-ee-ee-ee-eams, Dreams Dreams Dree-eams

I have always had bizarre dreams.  I am known for them; my sign name is a derivative of DREAM.  Most of the time they drift away as I become more alert in the morning.  One time I almost broke a two and did get two large hematomas on my knees from trying to save my son from a blue shadow man.  (Note to self:  If you're going to leap from the bed, go with the leg that's closest to the side you're on... and hope that your toe isn't wrapped up in the sheets.)


You know the suggestion to write down a dream immediately upon waking so that you can recall it later?  I tried that recently.  I don't keep pen and paper near the bed, but I do usually have my cell phone handy.  I texted myself all about the craziest dream I'd ever had (until that day anyway).  There's no point in trying to go into details; whatever I thought I was jotting down came out gibberish.  Two days later, however, the dream was crystal clear and stuck with me, probably forever.


A couple of points for context.  First, no matter how much I've declared that I'm not worried about this pregnancy and baby working out, I'm kind of an internal mess about the whole thing.  A week or so after seeing the doctor I'm great, but then the worrying begins and progressively grows stronger until I get to see Doc and hear the heartbeat again.


Second, I don't eat or drink chocolate, coffee or most teas (only peppermint... and at this point, sparingly) while pregnant.  I know, people have those things with NO problems.  They just aren't me.  Even without the caffeine, I've had more heart palpitations in the past four months than I've probably had in the last 10 years.  No coffee or chocolate sometimes wears on me.  Oddly, chocolate deprivation sometimes bothers me more even though it's not something I have often, whereas coffee is my life.


My latest dream was set on the same day of my real life; the day before my next appointment.  In it, I delivered the baby that day.  It didn't survive and it looked more like a malformed space alien wax figure.  Tom and I were absorbing the shock when he suddenly said, "But someone brought you a small box of chocolates."


It turned out to be a giant box of rather large chocolates, covered in chocolate shavings.


I remember reaching for the box with a smile and saying something like, "Well, no baby, but there's chocolate."  (I would just like to add that I haven't even gotten to that level of chocolate interest, let alone desire, yet.)  Somewhere in there I must have known that everything was okay, because I wouldn't eat anything until I could confirm what I didn't really believe had happened.  I woke up right after that.


So no surprise that I almost burst into tears on the exam table on Wednesday, right?  Baby's heartbeat is strong and fast.  It's more like Madelyn's than Corey's.  We didn't get to hear it for long because this baby is a mover and a shaker.  Even at the first ultrasound (around eight weeks) the little bean was moving like I've never seen happen before. 


We go for the ultrasound in less than three weeks, and my biggest real concern is that he/she won't be still long enough to learn what I'm dying to know.  After that we only have one last insurance-covered opportunity to see the baby before birth (one of the true the joys of being of "advanced maternal age").  In any case, my goal right now is to match my internal chaos to the external calm.

Know What's So Great About Frizzy Hair?

Yeah, me neither.


Anyway, here's another mixed bag of my thoughts.  Fair warning, I'm a bit whiny tonight.


My dad and Margaret's neighbor may have to sell their home because the husband's been laid off and the wife doesn't work (and no, she's not a stay at home mom... I said she doesn't work).  The house is not fabulous, but it's in a decent neighborhood.  They're selling it for about $20 grand more than we paid for this place.  It would have been within our budget.  Margaret said, "But it's small.  It's the smallest one they made."


Yeah, but compared to this place, everything is small.  And I would have been all for a smaller house with a small commute.  And while there are innumberable downsides to living next door to my dad, can you imagine days like today?  I stayed home because Tom spread his yucky germs.  So he had to drop Madelyn off on his way to work... at 5:20 this morning... after a nearly hour-long drive.  She and I could have slept in and then I could have just called Margaret and met her on the other side of the lawn.  *sigh*


And let's just talk about baby logistics for a second.  My plan is to give birth this time at the same place where I had Madelyn.  That's about 50 miles from here.  It's worth the hassle we may end up having because of the house we ended up choosing (which I do like most of the time), but Margaret's already making plans for me to stay with them as it gets closer for the baby to come.  In seven months.


We will have a back up plan*, but the best hospital up here won't do a tubal ligation right after birth.  I'd like to combine the pain and discomfort at once, if you don't mind.  Plus, the other hospital is phenomenal.  Madelyn spent four days in the NICU there** and we really trust them.


On the topic of being sick, I am.  I have the coughing-est, no-face-covering-est husband in the west.  I swear! 


Dude, just because you closed your mouth hole doesn't mean things can't come out the nose holes.  You're still breathing, right?  Argh!


*Tomorrow night Corey has a banquet for band.  We had to provide early childhood photos.  Photos, especially those in albums, will be one of the last things unpacked around here.  I see it happening in a year or two when we finally get to installing a built-in bookshelf/cabinet combo downstairs and a bookshelf/window seat upstairs.  To minimize lifting any of the 15 heavy boxes of albums (thank you Grandma and Grandpa!), I opted for looking through Corey's box.  It has all of the school assignments and art projects that A) show his personality and B) lasted long enough for me to remember to put them in the box.  It also holds some of his treasures.  As I was sifting through I came across a giant Mother's Day card that listed about seven things that made me a great mom.  The first one?  "She always has a Plan B."  Mm-hmm.  I believe he was four or five when that lesson was clearly instilled. 


***On a side-side note, I like this card better than the one where he said "My mommy's the greatest because she takes me to my best store, Target.  She loves the Red Hot Chili Peppers."


**Speaking of Mad and her story, I'm not even sure where I left off.  I'll have to wrap that up before too much longer.


Back on the topic of being pregnant, my willingness to be diligent about my diet just isn't the same this time as it was with Madelyn.  Oddly, and I may have mentioned this before, I associate this with the surprise nature of my pregnancy with Madelyn.  We had agreed not to have any kids together and then I was pregnant.  And we were both so freaking excited that I didn't want anything bad to happen more than the usual bit of concern and worrying.  So it was extremely easy for me (about 90% of the time) to give up coffee and chocolate and iced tea and whatever else I shouldn't have been having. 


Obviously I don't want anything bad to happen this time either, but I guess there's something this time that reminds me of being pregnant with Corey.  After several miscarriages, I just came to a point where I knew he was going to be okay.  I'm not exactly at that point with this one, but I'm a lot closer to relaxed than I am to constantly fretting.  So the call of coffee and brie and turkey sandwiches is greater this time than it was before.  I have to remind myself that I have decrepit eggs and that we are very lucky to be having a baby at all, and that I shouldn't be adding to the risk factors.


And following that stream of my (barely) consciousness*, I have the next part of the genetic risks testing next week.  It's the nuchal scan, where they measure the thickness of the neck.  I am a wee bit concerned that karma is gonna come after me.  Why?  One of the mommies in my group with Madelyn told me that she'd been pregnant once before with a son, but when they had the ultrasound he was deceased.  I'm not sure why I prodded her to tell the story.  It made us both uncomfortable and I don't think it helped her at all.  So, you see... not quite so relaxed just yet.  After Tuesday I will know more.


I can see I've spilled way more than intended here, but that's how it goes tonight.