I Wanna Know... Do You Wanna Know?

Corey was born in 1993, a time when women were just starting to find out during pregnancy whether they were having a boy or a girl. Unless a woman needed amniocentesis or they had excellent insurance... or private funding, I suppose... it just wasn't that common. And for those who found out via an ultrasound, chances were high that the doctor was wrong. My first husband was in the military, so our insurance was pretty good. And if memory serves, we were told that we might be able to find out the baby's sex. I do recall very clearly wanting to wait for that grand announcement from the doctor. So whether we could or not, we did not find out Corey was male until he was born.


When I look back on those days, I see a different me. Back then I knew I wasn't grown up yet. I couldn't even formulate an opinion and keep it for long. Present a great opposing argument and count me on your side! Along with that was an easy acceptance of life as it came. I wasn't much of a planner (except for when it came to diapers... I was very concerned about not having money any time we needed them, so I insisted we start buying a pack a week somewhere around the five months mark... I clearly had no idea how long an infant wears newborn diapers). Mom isn't a planner either, so it probably comes from her. I was flow-er... I went with the flow. Not finding out fit in with this philosophy.


Fast forward to the end of 2007 and the me I have become. I am a woman who generally has very strong opinions... though I can be swayed, but you'd better bring your best arguments. Having spent 12 of the previous 14 years as a single mother, I can plan out my budget for the year in less than an hour (not that I do... but I have already mapped out the money through the middle of July). Planning is fun, exciting. I love being ready. I am not fond of unpleasant surprises (happy surprises? yay!). It all flows together, if you will, quite nicely.


Finding out the baby's sex was a no-brainer to me. Not only could we pick names, but we could decorate (this from the woman whose walls are still bare... egad!) and buy clothes. With Corey, I chose a ton of white onesies and a pastel blue and green Winnie-the-Pooh bedding set. It was cute and definitely served its purpose, but c'mon!, these days everything is either for a girl or for a boy, because everybody finds out.


Somebody forgot that Tom wasn't having his second baby, and he didn't want to know. I did not nag or stomp my feet to get my way... those tactics work with Tom right up to the point where he realizes he's been had and then he's pissed. It ruins everything, so I gave up that method six or seven years ago. Instead I cleverly countered his argument.


"Well it'll ruin the surprise."


"No it won't. The surprise happens when you find it out... it'll just happen sooner, that's all." (Said with my most innocent and convincing smile.) It seemed to be working, too.


Although my doc had an internal ultrasound that was used freely during the first few weeks, once the heartbeat could be heard, the ultrasound machine was nowhere to be found. So we planned for the "big" ultrasound that would be coming sometime in November. I wanted it as early as possible to, once again, verify that everything was okay. But we also wanted to have the best chance of finding out if we were having a boy or a girl, which probably meant doing it later. We mentioned our plans to Doc, who already thought we had our priorities mixed up because:

• I wouldn't get the amnio test done despite my advanced maternal age of 36 (I realize that my anecdotal information is nowhere near the statistical info, but knowing that 2/3 women whom I've known to have them had subsequently lost their babies is really enough for me... and what would it get us if there was something wrong? Five months of worry and stress, that's what. We couldn't go through with an abortion on the off-chance that we were one of the many "false positives" out there. Thanks, but no.)
• I wouldn't get the flu shot (the last time I'd had the flu was in 1991)
• We questioned every test and procedure
• We had already stated we weren't getting the newborn eye drops since I don't have gonorrhea or chlamydia and that's what they're protecting against
• We dared to ask if there was any medical reason to support getting a circumcision if we had a boy ("The only reason I need is that GOD. TOLD. ABRAHAM. 5000 years ago and that's good enough for me." "Uh, okay, but what about medical reasons?")

So he should not have been surprised that we wanted to find out the sex and we should not have been surprised to come up against resistance. He promptly educated us on the reasons not to find out.
"I've been delivering babies for over 40 years and I can always tell. You can always tell when the parents know. It changes things. It just does."
And then the final blow to any argument I could ever make:
"The joy. is. not. the. same."
Tom ate it up and my cause was lost.