Monday, May 30, 2011

Dear Godiva Chocolates,

I held you in high esteem when you were in expensive department stores.  I would eye you lovingly in your brown and gold packaging, even though I'm more of a black and silver girl myself.

On rare occasions, I would buy the smallest morsel.  Corey and I would savor it.

Years back when I wanted to find a way to say "I'm sorry to take your job, but I am a single mother and I can't choose a stranger over my son," I put together a gift bag.  The piece de resistance was a selection of Godiva chocolates.  (It worked, by the way, the recipient even sang beautifully at my wedding a couple years later.  No joke.)

Now, I'm not saying you're at the same level as XOX Truffles in San Francisco (a place so good that I have a permanent request for people to buy chocolate for me at the bottom of this blog... which no one has taken me up on *sigh*), but you're very, very good.

Hershey's?  Why does it do that odd squeaky thing when you bite into a Kiss?  Blecht!

Lindt?  Sure, they'll do in a Christmas stocking stuffer pinch, but could you eat Lindor Truffles every day?  Probably, but I digress.  The fact that they've chosen a name so close to a medical weight loss program (or vice versa) is just disconcerting.  Like those Olean potato chips that had a lengthy disclaimer at the end of each commercial warning of potential anal leakage, I don't want to be reminded of my fat ass while enjoying something naughty.

Dove?  Dark, semi-sweet and satisfyingly solid, Dove chocolates were how I would reward my sign language students on special occasions.  Most of the rest of the time it was Starburst or something from the 99 Cent Store.  Yes, Dove is good, but it's good chocolate for the masses.

Godiva, you have always been well above these knock-offs.  And yet, what did I spy while buying new panties for Mad at Kohl's yesterday?

That's right!  Display after display of Godiva chocolate treats.

How could you lower yourself to mass merchandising?  Is WalMart next?  The swap meet, which would require to set up shop in that funky smelling snack bar?!?  Have you no standards?!

Do you know how good dark chocolate Godiva pearls taste when you buy them with Kohl's cash?


Anti-Supermom said...

Godiva is from the Gods, no joke. Hence the name.

I haven't seen it in Kohls yet, but that could be because someone is crying and doesn't like being in that store... or Target.

Yes, I'm questioning if she is mine ;)

Leslie said...

So funny you write this about Godiva! I think they have lowered their standards. But also, I find that they are all about their packaging and the shape of their candies, and not so much about their flavor. For this reason, I so, so, so much prefer See's Candy and it's homemade taste. Knocks Godiva out of the water for sure!


Emms said...

Yummmm chocolate... I really love homemade dark chocolate that you get from chocolate shops. thanks, now I want some lol.

Michelle said...

OMG I laughed soooo hard reading this! How good can it taste when you buy it with Kohls cash????!!! I had to read that out loud to the husband. Great blog.

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