Some of the calls I've received from Corey's schools over the years have begun like this:
Is Corey's mom there, please? Yes, this is the aide in his (kindergarten) class. Corey won't behave. We've tried EHverything. You'll need to pick him up. Result = roughly 10 days off from school just to give the teacher a break.
Mrs. Corey'sMom? Corey was behaving very badly in chapel today. You need to pick him up. Result = three day suspension (from kindergarten), plus he was disinvited to participate in the Christmas pageant.
Uh, Mrs. Corey'sMom? Yes, this is the school nurse. Um... we've stopped the bleeding... (WTF? He wasn't bleeding when I left him with you!). Result = One (kindergartner) head stapled back together.
Mrs. Corey'sMom? Yes, this is the school principal, Sherry Rice. Corey brought a knife to school. Totally normal for first graders, HAHAHA, but we'll have to suspend him as a matter of protocol.
Shannon? Yeah, it's Sherry. Corey:
*refused to give the teacher her pencil back and he told her, "Listen here, Missy!"
*has been caught ditching... he told his (first grade) teacher he had an appointment with the counselor, who's not even here today, and he was found playing tetherball instead.
*pushed another kid down because he didn't like the rules the other kids were playing by.
*has the teacher so stressed out that she was in here crying today.
Results: 10-15 days out of school for bad behavior... oh, and the teacher quit to "go back to school" at the end of the year.
Mrs. Corey'sMom? This is Mrs. Jones... the new principal? Corey keeps going out to the field to play in the mud and pick up things. Result = "Okay? He's a third grade boy. What do you expect?"
You get the picture. These calls came with more and less frequency over the years, depending on how poorly or well Corey handled various aspects of life. When I had a job that was more office-based (and before I had a cell phone), even the receptionist felt sick when I'd get a call. Sometimes I got three calls in one day.
I moved him to an independent study program at the end of sixth grade. He did 7th and 8th in one year and 9th last year. Since I'd held him back for maturity/social reasons, this put him back on schedule. In the past two years, I've had two teacher-initiated calls regarding Corey not doing enough work. The rest of our contact with the school showed Corey to be a great student with whom the teacher enjoyed working.
In August he went back to a comprehensive high school. Three weeks later, I got the call:
Mrs. Corey'sMom? Yes, Mr. Soandso, Assistant Principal. Corey was in a fight. He didn't do anything physically, but he provoked the fight. Result = 2 day suspension and a return to feeling nauseated whenever the school calls me.
And today? I'm at the office talking with two coworkers when my cell rings. Caller ID says it's his school.
(To my coworkers) This can't be good. It's Corey's school.
This is Shannon.
Mrs. Corey'sMom, this is Mrs. Whatshername, Assistant Principal from your son's high school.
How many freaking assistants does this principal need and why are they always calling me?!
Corey was in PE this morning...
I swear, if he didn't dress out for PE...
and they were playing hockey.
"Playing hockey"... sounds like he dressed out!
They had hockey sticks and...
Oh gawd... did he smash someone in the face? Neck? Anywhere? On purpose?
What is taking this woman so long to finish her freaking sentence?! WHAT HAPPENED?!?!?
we're not sure what happened, but Corey hurt his neck.
Is he okay?
He seems to be. We're just calling as a precaution. Do you want to talk to him?
(To my coworkers) It's okay. He's just injured.
Yes, my friends, that is how you single-handedly lose the Mom of the Year award. On the other hand, maybe I still have time to be the Worst Mom of the Year! Let's not ask Corey what he thinks, m'kay?
***Corey is fine. He didn't need to be picked up right away... made it through the school day and just asked to have me pick him up after school instead of staying late for band practice... something he doesn't enjoy anyway. He has declined a trip to the chiropractor and is now upstairs sleeping it off.