For This, I'd Like To Thank My Children

You wake up in the morning and hit the shower. It's a lovely day, weather-wise, so you stand there al fresco and brush your teeth. While you're rinsing, you bend over the sink and get the not entirely pleasant sensation of your left nipple on the counter.

To make matters worse, you realize that your right nipple is a good inch and a half away from the countertop.

Yeah. That was me you heard screaming