Is My Mouth Bleeding?

No, really.  Is it?


This afternoon Corey and I took his Junior Air Force ROTC uniform to a tailor, Teresa (of Teresa's, maybe you've heard of her... no?) for some alterations.  Teresa is an Asian woman, maybe mid-to-late 40s (which, I realize, could mean she's 60... some people have all the good genes!).  She has an accent, but is not hard to understand.


She is straight out of a sketch comedy show.  And I think she knows it, too.


When we walked in, Teresa was "helping" one customer, while a teenager waited to have her Homecoming gown fitted.  Because I knew I'd never get right if I didn't... and because I had to have something else to focus on... I wrote down some snippets of her conversation with the first customer.


I should point out that the first customer, whom Teresa said was Indian (she had an accent, too, but not like from India, so I'm not clear what was meant), had a pile of the most hideous clothes and one top that looked lovely.  What's my definition of "most hideous"?  How about a so-shiny-I-thought-it-was-beige-vinyl blazer with dark brown velour leaf patterns all over?  The customer wanted it smaller, tighter and with shorter sleeves.


Not bad enough?  Well then, what about a skirt that looks like it's from a 70s style version of Little House on the Prairie?  Only it's partially a dark orangey-red, small flower print, part baby blue and hot pink indescribable print and quite ruffly.  I have no idea what she wanted done to or with this piece.


There was more, but I want you able to sleep tonight.


The lovely top was all white sheer cotton with lace cutwork on the front.  She wanted a blue ruffly panel in the front and ruffles like the skirt around the bottom, "but not too much."


Teresa nearly exploded at her, "Why you do that?!  You just give me hahd time.  That look tacky.  You not want look tacky.  Want look nice."


But the woman was insistent.  She wanted what she wanted.


Teresa told her, "Better off go buy new.  If look bettah aftah, then do.  If worse to fix, don't do."  Pretty sound advice, right?


There was no dissuading the woman, no matter how hard Teresa tried.  "I want make money, sure, but it principle."


She followed up with, "You ruin my reputation."


Turns out the woman's daughter sent her the clothes... and that the daughter had made them.  It put the crazy woman in a different light to me, but crazy still shines.  The other mom in there and I did wonder if her daughter actually likes her.


After she left, the teen girl tried on her adorable dress.  It was too big in the chest area.  Way too big, according to the girl's mom and Teresa.  But they don't want it taken in all the way, because the girl is going to use "enhancements" to fill it out a little.  While that conversation was happening, Corey was trying on his uniform pants so he could be fitted.  It took about three times longer than normal and he came out all red in the face.


Teresa very kindly stopped helping the girl, took care of Corey and let us leave.


It was school errands night, apparently, so we hunted down a drum studio.  Corey now has a new cow bell, tambourine (that lights up when he plays... he thinks it's pretty sweet... I'm just glad it takes AAA batteries instead of something funky) and a 17" Zildjian cymbal.  The stand and mallets are on order.  It will become a suspended cymbal.  If you have any clue what that means, you're a few steps ahead of me.  All I know is that, because it was used, we got about 60% discount and it has an amazing sound. 


When it came to ordering the mallets, Gary told Corey about these timpani mallets that he likes to use on cymbals to build the crescendo.  Apparently they come in a variety of densities.


"You can get them soft."
*long pause*
"Or you can get them medium hard."
*long pause*
"Or... you can get them... uh... hard."


That was the moment I was pretty sure my teeth were going to bust through my cheek.  I turned away and found some celebrity photos on the wall.  


Gary was on tour with Florence Henderson.  Did you know she was on tour?  The "Hot Ladies Tour" or something like that.  I'm not even kidding.


I tried not to perseverate on whether "hot ladies" referred to their high self-esteem or if it had to do with menopause.


It was hard to breathe, but we wrapped it up and moved along.