Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Guilt By Dream Association

Ever have a dream involving your spouse or significant other and wake up wanting to take out on them all of the hurt and anguish they caused in the dream? It's worse when parts of the dream are clearly based in reality, because maybe the whole thing is a "sign," right? Well thankfully I'm (usually) more mature than that, but still...

The other morning I dreamt that Tom and I were working on a historical research project for a local city (in real life, I am). One cool thing was that each time we went to check out where an event took place, the era would change to match what we were seeking (in real life, this does not happen... dangit!). We ended up at dinner (probably the anniversary dinner we've talked about). A cute young French woman was seated with us (?!). She and Tom were not so slyly blowing kisses by kissing their water glasses at each other. I told them to knock it off, but there was no stopping the chemistry, so I got up and walked away. I hoped that Tom would follow; instead he took my seat, which was closer to the girl. I awoke just after a weak attempt at confrontation.

I think the dreams I've been having speak to the way I feel like I've lost the place I thought was mine. If I can have my motherhood displaced... something I thought would always be stable, regardless of the problems Corey and I have had to face, there's no reason that my marriage would be any more secure. (This is definitely something coming from my own inner workings and not from real life.)

When I woke up the other morning, my first instinct was to call Tom and whine. Not just tell him about it... whine. Ugh! So I pulled myself together and decided that hearing his voice would help chase away the boogie man. I did tell him about the dream, hopefully sans whining. He listened patiently (if you think I'm wordy while here, you should hear me half-asleep) on his drive to work and replied, "No cute French girls here." 

Problem solved.

***On a positive-ish note, despite somehow dipping below what I thought and hoped was our lowest point possible earlier this week, Corey seems to be coming around.  As his counselor says, maybe we can work toward reunification.  If you hear a loud suctioning sound followed by a tremendous POP!, you'll know he finally got his head out of his ass.

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