Friday, November 06, 2009

Mama Said There'd Be Days Like This

You want your son to be involved in a close-knit group through school.  He's musically talented, so band does make sense.  It keeps him busy after school most days, and gives him a reason to join in the fun that he normally wouldn't.  This is good.

It's true, some days the drive up the pass will be like moving through cold molasses... for no reason (not that you're wishing harm for the driver of that overturned semi yesterday, but seriously... at least there was a something going on).

It's natural for your son to bring the black uniform pants on game day instead of the bright Crayola green ones, because hey, black is cool.

Occasionally, yes, he will test you by complaining that he needs his pants and food because he hasn't eaten ALL DAY and if he doesn't get something to eat NOW, with Lisa, he'll have had nothing ALL DAY.

He will fail to recall not making breakfast, not taking a lunch or how he really did spend the $20 he scored from the grandparents last night, so you will probably stand your ground and forbid him from joining the exalted Lisa for food or the convenience of getting the correct pants.

Then you will get stuck in the most heinous traffic without a reason in, like, forEVer.  Instead of an hour, your trip up the hill will take nearly twice that long.  You will be too late to get the pants.  You will cave on the food and get what he wants from some crap fast food place. 

Your husband will also get stuck in that no excuse jam-up, even though he's coming through two hours later, only he'll have your daughter.  You won't know they are stuck, so you'll put off a quick trip to the groc until they arrive... at 8:00.

You'll get her to bed and bargain with the spouse about who will go buy the snacks and pick up the boy after the football game.

You'll have to go, but you should not consider this a loss... he will be taking the boy back to school for the "day trip" to Vegas for a band competition.  Your husband's drop off time?  1:30 A.M.  Yes, you are the winner.

But you'll be exhausted, so you'll set your phone alarm for 9:00 P.M. and lay down for a half hour of rest.

This is when your bargain losing spouse will decide to sort all of his laundry 10 feet from where you're not sleeping... with all the lights on.

After your eight minutes of solid rest, you will drag yourself out of bed, throw on a hoodie over your sweater and just go ahead and put your slippers on.  They look like brown suede boots anyway, right?  Besides, even if they don't, you no longer shop at places with gourmet foods, and you do have all of your teeth, hair and the requisite undergarments.  You're a few steps ahead of anyone else at the groc on a Friday night.

You'll return home with your son.  Your husband, who is at least equally exhausted, will be asleep on the couch, with his arms over his head, his feet together and pulled up so that his knees are out to the sides.  He will remind you of a frog from biology class. 

You'll resist the urge to begin sorting your laundry.  Or taking a photo and posting it on your blog.

1 comment:

Spot On Your Pants said...

You poor thing. I would have had a beer at about 2 o'clock.

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