Friday, December 03, 2010


About a week ago I decided that the dining table Corey and I have struggled to complete for 20 long months is as done as it's going to get. We removed the leaf from our old table and put it in the front room for games. Then we schlepped this giant "new" table in from the garage and tried to put it together. Apparently, sitting in the garage in a climate where the average temperatures range from 25-120 degrees each year can wreak a little havoc on wood. Stupid mofo wouldn't close. We could see some fairly easy remedies, but when those problems were resolved it still wouldn't close. There was about 1/4 of an inch between the ends. Tom came home that night knowing I was frustrated and that we'd need his help. Instead, he jumped into the douche canoe.

"I think I have an idea about how to fix it. If that doesn't work I'll talk with Tomas (a furniture repairman Tom works with) and see what he says. But that stain job is crap!"

Once I was able to pull my jaw off the floor and restrain myself from saying every very nasty thing that came to mind I said, "That was kind of a jackass move, don't you think?"

Shrugging, "It's true. It's awful."

"Coming from someone who hasn't helped aside from sanding the top of each piece last year, and knowing all the trouble we've had but still not helping, don't you think you sound like a jackass?"

"I have been taking care of Madelyn!"

"Uh, Fynn was born in August. Remember how you said you were going to make sure the table got done by my birthday? That was in March."

What really sucks is that he's right. I hate the staining job, too. But I stand by my point. It's like voting. If you're going to sit around and not help, then you just have to shut up while those of us who did what we could try our damnedest to enjoy the outcome.

The good news is that Tom was able to get the table pieces together, but the leaves and main pieces are slightly warped. It's just enough to mess with putting the pieces all together, not visible if you're looking at the table, even if you weren't distracted by the crap staining job.

We're leaving the leaves in until it's adjusted to indoor living. That is one massive table.


We had a mostly lovely Thanksgiving at one of my sister types. My favorite things at her annual dinner are the canned cranberry sauce with the indentations from the can and the Stove Top stuffing. That is some over-processed crap that I look forward to every freaking year. And Dad's mashed potatoes. The downside was that Corey seemed to have caught a 24-hour bug so we left early.

We also held our own Thanksgiving dinner with my mom on Sunday. I do everything from scratch.  Tom, who seems to help out more and more each year, pointed out that I did not make the graham crackers in my graham cracker pie crust. True. Full disclosure: I also did not condense the milk. Bite me.

Dinner was served on our new table. Our old table could only hold most of the food and we sat in the living room. Imagine this: All the food fit and we were able to use it to eat, too.

1 comment:

Bossy Betty said...

I'll bet the table is great! It sounds fantastic. So what of the stain is a little whacko? It adds characer!

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